Promise Me: Some friendships are made to be broken (Beggar's Choice #1) Read online

  “No it isn’t. You’ll be in agony later on. Have a long bath and I’ll give you a massage in a bit.” I hesitate and he stares at me as if in incomprehension that I’m not jumping to obey his orders. “Go on. Chop chop.”

  “Don’t fucking chop chop me, you twat,” I say indignantly but he just laughs and disappears into his study.

  I run a bath and soak in it for a bit but when I get out I find myself in a bit off a quandary. What do you wear for a massage that will let him access skin but without me looking too desperate. These musings are bought to a halt when he knocks on the door and pops his head round.

  “Oh good, you’re ready.”

  “No, I’ve only just got out of the bath. What should I put on?”

  “Put on?” he says in obvious mystification.

  “Well I’ve only got a towel on.” When he still doesn’t get it I sigh. God, he’s so dense sometimes. “Charlie, I haven’t got any knickers on,” I mutter.

  His eyes seem to darken and then he starts laughing. “Mabel, I’m shocked. What sort of massages have you been having? I’m not massaging down there however much you expect it. I’m not that type of boy!”

  “Shut up,” I mutter, trying not to laugh. “Where do you want me?”

  He stares at me and runs his tongue along his lower lip and the atmosphere seems to thicken.

  “On the bed, face down,” he says slowly.

  I gulp and then turn and lower myself gingerly, and hopefully not flashing any of my bits. It’s silent for a second, and facedown all I can hear is his breathing which seems to have picked up speed. Then I hear him move and the sound of a bottle being opened and I smell the sweet scent of coconut. Then the bed depresses under his weight and I feel his hand running through my hair and shifting it over my shoulder.

  “That smells lovely,” I murmur, and then I can’t help it and I groan as his hands smooth firmly down my neck and he starts to massage my neck. “God that’s good!”

  I know he’s smiling because I can hear it in his voice. “I’m only just getting started babe. Your shoulders are really tense.”

  “Well that happens when you’re forced to do a route march.”

  “Route march,” he scoffs. “It was a light run.”

  Then silence falls and his fingers work their magic. I tense up a bit when he pushes the towel down on my back but relax when all he does is rub my tense muscles and coax them into submission. By the time his hands lift I’m in heaven and so relaxed I feel like I’m going to sink into the mattress.

  “Mmm,” I mutter. “Thanks Charlie.”

  “I’m not finished yet,” he says huskily, and just like that I’m awake and my body starts to hum.

  “Where else are you massaging?” I say, and even I can tell that my voice has gone throaty.

  He pauses and then moves, and I gasp as I feel the heat of his body against my legs and then he starts to massage my calves. He rubs them with long firm strokes and the scent of coconut rises around us. Slowly his touch rises up my legs until his fingers are flirting with the edge of my towel. However, now they’re not massaging so much as caressing, and I can hear his harsh breathing. Against my will I squirm, as the strokes on my skin are making my core throb. Time seems to slow down as he pauses for a second and then slowly reaches under my towel and then I gasp and moan as he reaches my backside and starts to stroke the cheeks firmly, forcing my pussy into the hard mattress and making my clit throb and burn. “God Charlie!” I gasp, and my voice seems to bring him slightly to his senses.

  “Mabes,” he says, and his voice is so slurred and deep I can hardly make out his words. “Perhaps this is a bad idea.”

  I freeze and then make myself raise my head and turn to face him. His hands are still on me and he’s looking down at my body with a fierce concentration and I flush. I feel so hot it’s like I’ve got a fever. His hands are still moving but it’s almost as if he’s in a dream and doesn’t realize what he’s doing. “Charlie,” I say throatily, and he jerks and looks at me. His pupils are so dilated they almost fill his eyes with black, and there are two red streaks on his cheekbones.

  “Turn over,” he says harshly, and against my will my body obeys him and I turn. Unfortunately the towel doesn’t turn with me and to my horror I completely flash my breasts at him. I gasp and go to move the towel but it’s like I’m moving in treacle, and before I can grab it Charlie’s hands move, and we both gasp when his fingers curve around my breasts. The oil on his hands makes my breasts slick, and I groan and throw my head back on the pillow at the jolt of pleasure when he twists my nipples and pinches them with his callused fingers.

  “Jesus,” he mutters, and then his body comes down over me and I feel the weight of him all along me. His head is lowering towards me and his eyes are fixed on my mouth which is open with my panting breaths when a door slams suddenly in the hall, and as if a bucket of ice has been thrown over us we stop and look at each other.

  “Charlie,“ I whisper. “What’s happening to us? What does this mean?”

  He sighs and hangs his head down so that for a moment I can smell the scent of his shampoo and feel the softness of his hair caressing my neck. Then I gasp as he jack knifes off the bed almost angrily. “For Christ’s sake,” he hisses, and starts to pace. Then he turns to me and I cringe as I see that he really is angry. “This means nothing,” he insists in a harsh voice like the words are being forced from his throat. “It can’t mean anything Mabe. We can’t do this,” and he gestures between us. I jerk back in hurt but this seems to make him madder. “We’re friends Mabe. You’re my best friend and I can’t do this with you.”

  “I understand,” I say tersely, pulling the towel over my aching breasts and wanting him desperately to shut the fuck up before I start crying.

  “Do you?”

  “Yes I do. Don’t worry about it Charlie. We’ll just forget about it,” I say somewhat desperately.

  “Forget about it,” he repeats, and if possible he looks even crosser now. “So you’re just going to go on as normal and forget this, like you’ve forgotten your fucking shopping list!”

  “I don’t like the tone of your voice,” I say, getting angry myself now. “You started this Charlie so don’t go getting precious about it. You say we can’t do this so all I’m doing is just trying to make things easier. It is as it is and we should just go on as normal, best friends and all that shit.”

  His face hardens and I see a muscle ticking in his jaw. “Yeah, I started it but I didn’t see you complaining Mabel, or maybe it was drowned out by all that moaning you were doing.”

  “Fuck off!” I hiss. “That wasn’t called for and you know it.”

  “Don’t worry, I’m going. I may have started this but I’m sure as fucking hell going to finish it!”

  I sit there with a wet towel around me and the scent of coconut in my nostrils as he slams out of my bedroom. I can’t believe what has just happened. Charlie has never displayed an iota of attraction to me in all these years and this all seems to have come out of nowhere. I curl up on the bed pulling the duvet over me and huddling into the comforting cave that I’ve made. For a few precious minutes it was like all my daydreams had come true and he returned my feelings, but then he’d got off this bed quicker than if he’d been on fire. I wonder if maybe he’d just got carried away and then come back to his senses when he realized that it was me, which hurts so much because I’ve never felt anything like I just did. However, the damage has been done now and I know that if I’m to retain our friendship I have to behave as if everything is normal. It’s painfully obvious that I’m never going to have Charlie the way I want him and a part of me dies at this realization. Somewhere, hidden deep inside me I’d always hoped that he would realize that he really loved me and he would sweep me up and never let me go, but this had been his chance to change things between us and he hadn’t taken it. Instead, he had been angry and horrified by it, so I will just have to suck it up and pretend. I can do my grieving for my destroyed dr
eams later on when I’m home alone.

  A couple of hours later, I gather my courage and dress in a pair of loose boyfriend jeans with a cornflower blue jumper that hangs slightly off one shoulder because I‘ve had it for so many years. I pull my hair back in a loose bun and go downstairs. I can’t help but blush when I see him. He’s standing in the lounge staring out of the window as if hypnotized at the paparazzi that are still gathered outside. He’s dressed in a pair of jeans and a green Ralph Lauren polo shirt, and he’s obviously just showered because his hair is wet and still swept off his face making his eyes seem bluer. He must sense me standing there because he turns fully and for a second we just stand there looking at each other. His eyes seem to eat up my face and then he sighs. “I’m sorry,” he says, and holds out his arms. Normally I would rush into them but I can’t help my hesitation now, and he notices it and flinches slightly. Immediately I move towards him and hug him back smelling his shampoo and toothpaste. It’s agony and I close my eyes and make myself be brave. Tilting my head back I make myself smile at him.

  “It’s okay babe,” I say softly, and he immediately relaxes and hugs me tight in a crushing hold.

  “Thank god,” he mutters. “I couldn’t bear it if we destroyed us Mabes. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  I make myself move back slightly. “I’m sure you’d manage,” I try to say lightly, and he grimaces.

  “I wouldn’t,” he says thickly. “You’re everything to me.”

  I close my eyes for a second at the pain of hearing the right words with the wrong meaning, and then make myself smile again. “Well, you won’t have to,” I say, punching his arm lightly and we both turn in relief when Sid comes in and we sit down to eat.

  After a while spent eating and chatting with Sid the interlude in my room almost seems like a dream. I know I’m quiet and I know it’s worrying Charlie but I can’t help it. I’m hurt that he can dismiss me so easily and be so happy about it, but I tell myself that this is all on me. It’s me that has different feelings for him and not him. As far as he’s concerned, we’re the same Charlie and Mabel that we’ve ever been and I’ve just got to get over this. The more I think about it the more I think that his strange behavior at the moment is down to stress about Sid and actually nothing to do with me, so I resolve to keep on with my plan and try not to think about him.

  After dinner I leave the boys, who are heading to the studio which Charlie had made from a couple of outbuildings at the bottom of his garden, and traipse up to my bedroom. I’m going to find a crime novel on my Kindle that has no romance in it at all I tell myself but then my phone dings with a text. I smile when I open it because it’s from a barrister called John, who Viv introduced me to a couple of months ago at a party. She knows him from her job as a paralegal because he’s a partner at her law firm. He’s lovely looking with short black hair and deep green eyes and his body looks good for someone with a desk job. We’d spoken for quite a while at the party to Viv’s delight, and the conversation had flowed easily. He’d seemed quite into me and I definitely liked him, but it was a lukewarm feeling compared to what I felt for Charlie. However, due to several of Viv’s lectures I’d replied when he texted me and we’d spent some time exchanging light hearted jokes and chat before going on a date. It quickly became apparent however that he was getting over a bad divorce and had zero interest in starting another relationship. I didn’t mind this because the attraction just wasn’t there on my side either. We had therefore begun the tentative steps of becoming good friends and had gone out a few more times. It had been light and easy and intermittent because he was out of the country on a case for a lot of the time, but his text says that he’s back for the foreseeable future now.

  I’m smiling at my phone when the bedroom door suddenly opens and Charlie pokes his head round.

  “Oh my god Charlie,” I hiss surprised. “Don’t you know how to knock? I could have been bloody naked, or doing something in here.”

  He laughs damn him. “What exactly would you be doing in here? Having a bake off?” he snorts. I don’t know whether it’s this tone of utter dismissal at the idea of me doing anything raunchy, the fact that he’s bloody well ignoring the fact that the two of us had definitely done something in here earlier, or anger at him for denying the idea of us ever happening. Whatever it is I lose my temper.

  “Actually,” I purr. “I’m sexting my boyfriend at the moment so knock next time.”

  The laughter falls so quickly off his face I would be gratified if I wasn’t so angry.

  “What boyfriend?” he asks sharply, coming into the room and shutting the door with a thud.

  “My new one,” I improvise, because I’m bloody not backtracking now.

  “Yes, I guess he’s new Mabel, since you’ve said not one fucking word about him to me.”

  “I don’t have to tell you everything you know. We do have lives apart from each other. I don’t go cross questioning you about Noa do I?”

  “I’m not cross questioning you, I just asked his fucking name,” he hisses, starting to lose his temper now, but as far as I’m concerned the double standarded twat can bring it on.

  “Why are you so interested?” I counter. “It’s got nothing to do with you.”

  “Everything you do has something to do with me Mabel, so what’s his motherfucking name?”

  “What, so you can check up on him?” I shout, and at his change of expression I really lose it. “You really are going to check up on him aren’t you? Well mind your own fucking business because I’m not fucking five and I don’t need a big brother.”

  “You are my fucking business,” he shouts back, leaning over me on the bed to make his point.

  “No, I’m not Charlie,” I say defiantly. “I’m an adult and I’m having a very adult relationship now and you need to stay out of it.”

  “What the fuck does very adult mean? What’s he got you doing? Is he into some shit I need to know about, and while we’re at it is he adult enough to handle what we were doing earlier? If you’re so serious about him why were you rolling around on the bed with me?”

  “Oh my god,” I shout hysterically, but at the same time I’m wondering how we got here. This isn’t us. Charlie and I hardly ever fight and definitely never like this, but I can’t stop shouting. “Search your memory Charlie - we didn’t do anything. Anyway, don’t judge people by your own relationships. We don’t all wander around falling into random women’s vaginas all the time. Some of us get to know each other first and then go on to live together and get married and have children. That’s an adult relationship.”

  At my words he reels back and goes sheet white. “Marriage and children,” he whispers. “How serious are you about this bloke Mabel?”

  My anger is abruptly gone because he looks almost in pain and for a second I open my mouth to admit that there’s nothing going on, and then I think of Noa and my plan. This could be the only way for me to get enough distance between us so that I can get on with my life. Mentally apologizing to John for marrying him off when we’re just friends, and hoping to god that Charlie never meets him, I lie my ass off. “His name’s John. He’s a barrister at Viv‘s firm Charlie, and he’s really nice.”

  He slumps down on the side of the bed staring into space and at first I don’t hear him because he talks so low, but then he clears his throat and repeats himself. “How long have you been seeing him then?”

  “About three months,” I whisper, glad that he’s not looking at my face because I’m a terrible liar. “We met through Viv and just hit it off.” It’s a bit easier now because this bit is true.

  “So it’s fairly serious then?”

  “I don’t know about that but he’s really nice and he’s good to me.”

  He slowly turns to me and I can’t hold back my gasp because for a second he looks haggard and almost old, and then he blinks and he’s back to normal, although still pale. He reaches over and runs a gentle hand down my cheek, and then he leans over and kisse
s my forehead softly. “I’m glad he’s good to you Mabes,” he says. “You, more than anyone I know, deserve the best that a bloke can give you.”

  Then he’s gone from the bedroom and as the door clicks shut I dissolve into silent tears, wondering where this storm blew up from, and feeling as if the path of our friendship has just taken a turn into very dark and shadowy areas.

  Five

  After the scene in my bedroom Charlie completely withdrew from me, and I mean completely. He didn’t talk to me at all for two days. If I came into a room he got up and left. He took his meals at different times and could barely look me in my face when I accidentally met him on the stairs. He seemed to spend most of his time either drunk, holed up on the phone to Noa, in the studio with Sid, or all three at once. The word awkward doesn’t even cover it. It’s been like living with a twenty eight year old teenager, only without the body odour problem. If it hadn’t been for Sid I’d have left, but even his patience is wearing thin now.

  I’m pottering in my room collecting dirty washing and avoiding talking to Charlie when it becomes obvious that Sid’s patience has come to an end. There’s a knock on the door and then he comes in and leans against the wall with his arms crossed and says one word. “Talk!”

  I don’t normally tell anyone about Charlie and me, but faced with Sid’s undeniable sympathy I cave and tell him everything. He’s been quiet for a while though now staring into space with his mind obviously going a mile a minute until I can’t stand the silence anymore. “I should leave shouldn’t I?” I say, wringing my hands. “This is making your situation a thousand times worse and I really don’t want what’s left of my friendship with Charlie to be destroyed. Do you mind if I go?”

  Breaking his trance he stares at me with a very inscrutable look on his face, and then he surprises the shit out of me by grinning widely. “Fuck no Mabe, you can’t leave. This is the best thing to happen in a long time.”

  “What?” I say, recoiling. “This isn’t great, it’s terrible. Charlie and I aren’t friends at all at the moment.”